Not the typical…. Adoption

Today, I am catching up on the Link-up that I mentioned yesterday. Day 2, Thursday, May 2: I am supposed to educate you on something I know a lot about or are good at. Well I am not sure I know A LOT  and I am certainly NOT an expert on this subject, but I am very well aware of how it has touched my life.  I mentioned in my last post that my Mom was a single mom when I was born and that  I was adopted by my Dad.  Well, adoption, is something that has been a big part of my life that I do not openly talk about.   Although it is a big part of my  life, I don’t even know how to adequately express my inner most feelings about it!  I saw a a picture with a quote on Facebook yesterday, that,  for the first time, helped me to have the words that described what happens to me when when I try to explain how my being adopted has touch my life.

Sometimes

This post is supposed to tell about something we know a lot about or are good at.  I am not sure I am good at being adopted, but I do know a lot about the  feelings I have about it.  I also have a pretty clear knowledge that many other adoptees share many of the same feelings that I do.  I have always had an attraction to want to talk to others that were adopted to see if what I was feeling was common and normal.  I haven’t been able to get my questions cleared up by other adoptees, but through counseling many times I have found out  that many of these feelings are quite common among others that were adopted.  Although, my adoption is a bit different because I was only adopted by one parent and I did not find out I was adopted until I was 13 years old, I know that we have similar thought processes that go on in our minds about our adoption.  I think we all can’t help but wonder:  Why didn’t or birth parent want to have us in their lives?  What was the circumstance that brought them to the decision to decide they didn’t want to be a parent to us.  What do they look like?  What does our extended family look like?  What were they like?  What are they like now?  Do I have any of their personality traits?  Did I get my curly hair from them?  Are they good people?  Do they ever wonder about me?  Do they wish they knew me?  Are they happy?Do they have a good life?  Do they have other children?   All of these and so much more have been questions I have wondered about through the years on either one or many occasions. I can’t help but to know that others that are adopted have wondered the same things.

I have also had many feelings about being adopted.  I am not sure that all of these hold true for other adoptees due to the fact our circumstances are different but I am sure some of them are pretty common.   I have wanted to feel like I belonged.  I knew I belonged  to the family I had,  since learning I was adopted, but  there has  always been a part of me that has felt detached  or just different from them.  I have wanted to get over the feeling of worrying the people I loved would want to leave. This feeling, again, maybe from me not finding out I was adopted until I was 13 and feeling like the life I had was gone and I was forced to live a life different from what I thought mine was all those years. I have wanted to be confident in who I am in all aspects of my life.  Most of all I have just wanted the whole situation to not be a part of my life.  I just wanted my life to be totally “real” in all ways.  I wanted to be a biological part of my family so I wouldn’t forever feel different.

I also know, or would think, that all adoptees feel a forever gratefulness to the people that cared enough about us to make us a part of their family.  I never for once wasn’t thankful to my Dad for the life he gave me or to his family for their willingness to allow me to be a part of their family.  I had a great life and knew I was loved just for the sheer fact that my Dad chose to be my father.  I think that knowing someone actually wanted you as theirs is a feeling that people who are not adopted will never have the priviledge of feeling.

So, in being adopted I know that many of the questions and feelings I have had in my life have also been very similar to what others that have been adopted would feel. I always feel a closeness to other people when I find out they were adopted.  It is almost like we are a clique of our own with the knowledge of what it feels like that can’t be felt by others nor can we easily explain.  I wouldn’t change who I am for a minute.  I know it has brought me where God had planned for me to be.  I am thankful daily for every experience that I have been given through the fact that I am a product of adoption.